The Stills Versus Linda Trang Dai & Don Ho

The Stills are coming to Vancouver....

Saturday, February 4 @ the Pit Pub for only 15 frickin' dollars. Can you believe it? That is awesome times one billion. You know what else I can't believe? I'm not going to be in town for the show. I'll be listening to more Paris by Night-type of music for the next 2 months. Lord, pray for me.

Please. Someone. Go. See. The. Stills.

Never trust a big butt and a smile....

Person 1, Person 2, POISON, me

Rainbow pocket citizens of humanity jeans = $235. yes, a tad bit on the ridiculously expensive side but worth every single penny if they make me:
a) look like i have an ass
and
b) look like i have an ass worth tappin'....awww yeah.

i love my citizens jeans. once you go citizens or seven, you never go back... farewell to the good ol' Jordache days. dahahahahahhahhahaahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

2006 is the new 2005

The last two weeks of December were emotionally brutal at work. This has been my 4th year celebrating another Christmas with this organization, at this specific site. After the first year, I thought to myself, this will probably get easier as the years go by...that watching families struggle through the holidays would eventually become less gut/heart wrenching. I was wrong, and instead Christmas at the youth centre this past 2005 was one of the most challenging experiences I've faced in a long long time.

In my attempt to try and not "sensationalize" the issues and hardships of the people I've worked with, I will keep this brief. Within the span of 2 weeks, I witnessed/experienced/shared in the pain of:

• death, loss, grieving
• immense poverty and substance use
• borderline police brutality
• getting the run-around with police...no such thing as straight answers UNTIL you call a lawyer, then wow, do the police ever respond quickly.
• witnessed more racism and sexism and every other ISM out there, to last me 66 light years

In regards to the whole police incident, I'm still trying to figure out which was worse: 1)begging the police to not kick the crap out of one of my kids or 2)watching said youth cry out to me "help me, please help me" and not being able to do anything. As much as I never want to have to go through that again, my experience has been minimal compared to my coworker C, who had to deal with the death of a young child who was a close client. Children should never die. I watch this case literally break the spirit of the entire staff team that I work with. We all spent the last few weeks wondering why the hell we're in this field and questioning whether or not we're "making a difference" because to be honest, we all felt pretty useless and hopeless. I took a long time to think about what I would write in my Xmas card to C. In the end, the card read like a stream of consciousness. At our first staff meeting back from the holidays, C publicly acknowledged to the rest of the staff what it meant to him, to read the words I wrote in his card because they kept him hopeful throughout this painful journey. The staff meeting became a sob fest. I never cry at staff meetings and debriefs. I rarely cry if anything but this meeting was a little different. There were just too many emotions (both personal and professional) running inside of me during the month of December, so being able to just RELEASE all those emotions felt safe and ok. It was a much needed process, I suppose.

December was filled with another piece of news. A friend of mine, wrote me an email which started off amusing as her emails always do, updating me on what she's up to etc., who she is dating etc., but later turned into a mess of words that I struggled to put together because I really could not and did not want to believe what I was reading. My friend tells me she was raped this past summer and it took her up to now to be able to face what had actually happened. It was horrible to read. It was horrible to think about. But I cannot say what an amazing person she is for charging him and facing him in court to give her testimony. I had no idea. Where have I been? Am I that ridiculous of a friend that I thought everything was peachy-keen in her life those times we hung out in the months after all of this took place. And to tell you the truth, I may have considered her a really good acquaintance more so than a friend because I like to reserve the amount of free tickets I had out to people to join my tiny circle of friends. I realize now that's just jerky, I should be thrilled that people actually want to talk to me or even be my friend. It was sad for me to read her email, realizing she chose to tell me this because she considered me a friend, that I was more than an acquaintance. I should be the one counting my lucky stars to be considered her friend.

One of the things I complained a lot about post-holidays was how much I ate and how gross I feel from doing nothing but being a sloth and over-indulging in grease. That is just fucking stupid when I really think about it. With everything that certain people go through in their day to day lives, I'm complaining about the luxury of being able to eat? Sometimes, I am so unbelievably embarrassed of myself. Whatever your turmoil, sadness and difficulties in life, I do believe you have a right to feel the way you feel; however, I am going to try to appreciate and remember the fact that at the end of the day, I get to do my sulking, complaining and worrying on my own damn bed, as opposed to in a shelter or on the edge of a sidewalk curb.

2006 so far has taught me that feelings are sometimes just that, and the more time you spend freaking out about something or someone, the more time you've just wasted from actually getting to know a person or situation. I guess the saying is true, people do come into your life for a reason and I'm grateful for those reasons.

Other, more positive news of 2006:

• One of my youth came in to tell me he's come out of the closet and thanked me for supporting him through the process. Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever see this kid again and was convinced he was mad at me when I questioned him about why he was being such an insulting homophobe and told him "I think YOU are gay." Well mad as he was at me for saying that, he tells me it forced him to face who he was, that maybe being gay is not the end of the world....definitely more cool than trying to convince yourself of something you are not.
• My paperwork has all been finalized for my practicum in Vietnam. I'm working for the United Nations for 2 months!!!!!!! It was a grueling 5-month paperwork process and there was bureaucracy coming out of everyone's ass but in the end, it worked out. It feels a little surrreal, naturally, but I'm going to be in the motherland in 3 weeks. That's just too awesome.
• My brother started culinary school and is having the time of his life. I admire him for having the guts to go against all faulty expectations and going after what he wants, despite whatever amount of skeptism is out there. I believe there is a lot everyone, including myself, can learn from my dearest little brother aka Thunderbird, aka Eric Delco, aka Em Cu Den, aka Chef P. Nguyen.

I thought about putting a disclaimer in the beginning or end of this post saying something like "warning: extreme levels of cheesiness and contemplative, existentialist bullshit" but that's not the case, and if after reading this you still think it's nothing but BS, then F you and chances are, your parents have lizard breath and you will wind up with lizard breath too.

As Horatio Caine from CSI Miami would say "Here we go ..." to another year.